The other night I took a break from the mommy routine and spent some time enjoying the girlfriend routine.  I was helping my friend, Svetlana, pack up her living room for a move to a new apartment.   As we were cleaning out her entertainment center, we stumbled across several large stacks of video cassettes. 

I was impressed that Svet had been lugging around these piles of crap for years, but even more impressed to learn that she hadn’t had a VCR for even longer.   When I pointed out that she probably shouldn’t pay to move these ancient artifacts again, she agreed and grabbed a trash bag.

Culling through the stacks of tapes was like going back in time as we stumbled across lost treasures of our youth, like ‘North & South Books I & II ‘(Patrick Swayze = YUM),  a Richard Simmons ‘Sweatin’ to the Oldies’ workout (admit it – you’ve owned it), episodes of ‘Dynasty‘ (bring on the shoulder pads!), and the more recent two-tape box set of ‘Shindler’s List‘. 

“Uh, you’re half Jewish.  Don’t you worry about putting some bad karma out in the universe by throwing away ‘Shindler’s List’?”

Svet paused briefly, “I hear you, but I really need to move on and make a clean break with the past” and, with nary a pause, ‘Shindler’s List’ fell into the open Hefty bag at her feet.

Later as we reached for the final stack of video tapes, Svetlana’s small collection of porn surfaced.

“Ooo.  ‘The Taming of Tammy’…God, that was some great porn.  Hot guys, hot girls, hot everything.”

Svet looked longingly at the tape in her hand, poised over the open trash bag.  She hesitated.

“Is there no other hot porn available?  I’ve heard the entire porn industry is in trouble.   They even want a cut of the economic stimulus money.   If people like you continue to hold onto video tapes, you’re just going to further erode this cornerstone of our American economy.  So, rather than contribute to the problem, why don’t you let Tammy go, do your part for the greater good and buy some new porn, ” I said encouragingly.

“Maybe I could take it to one of those places where they can transfer it over to a DVD?  I just don’t want to let it go.  It was REALLY good…”

“Let me get this straight, you barely hesitated at throwing ‘Shindler’s List’ – perhaps the most stirring holocaust film in recent history – into the trash.  But throwing away  ’The Taming of Tammy’ has you feeling all torn up inside??”

Svetlana paused a moment and began to laugh.

“Are you implying that my priorities are screwed up?”

“All I’m saying is that I thought your priorities were ‘making a clean break with the past’.  It’s a video tape.  Tammy is in the past.  It’s time to set her free and you free - and find new porn to enjoy in your new apartment.”

Having porn-shamed her, Svetlana reluctantly dropped her cherished tape into the trash bag. 

“But, it was really good,” she muttered under her breath as she left the room.

Later, as I made my way towards the stairs a small black rectangle, partially concealed under a pile of folded newspapers on the kitchen counter caught my eye.  While Svet was in the next room, I nudged the papers aside to reveal the label reading, ’The Taming of Tammy’ in faded purple script.

Somehow I knew that Svetalana wasn’t going to part with Tammy.  The Taming of Tammy may have been in the past, but the Taming of Svetlana was definitely a work in progress.

Spread the Love:
  • Digg
  • Facebook
  • TwitThis