As I sat in my desk chair working from home today, I received this email from the Office Manager:



I was just going over my key log and I see that I had a desk key assigned to you when you sat downstairs.  That key was never turned in.  Do you still have it?


Thank you,


P. Tripper

It’s been about a year since I sat in that desk.  I don’t even remember having a desk key.  So I innocently responded:

Sorry, I don’t think I have the key.  I believe I may have left it in the lock on the overhead bin when I moved upstairs last year.



Then things got ugly…



We have a strict company policy that states that all keys must be turned in and never left behind at your desk.  I need you to go downstairs and find the key as soon as possible or I’ll have to notify your manager of this policy violation.


Technically, the key is assigned to you and you are responsible for it and the cost of replacing it should it be lost or stolen.


P. Tripper

Ooh!  Big, bad Office Manager lady just whacked me with the big sticks: Policy, Violation & Manager!   Now I’m shaking, timid, crouching on the ground – awed by the terrific power she wields…

I apologize.  I wasn’t aware of the company’s policy concerning desk keys.


I’m working remotely today.  Would it be possible for you to go downstairs and look for the key?  Or, I can look for it on Monday?  Is there any identifying information on the key?



Like a spree-killer who’s grown tired of the taste of blood, she backs off.  But not without inflicting a final, albeit pathetic, blow.

I’m in the office today and flooded with work.  It can wait until Monday.


The key number is XXX-XXX-C


P. Tripper

Notice the words “I’m in the office today…”?  This is a dig at what she perceives to be my cush working from home arrangement.  Little does she know that I’m down a kidney and a pint of blood to score a work from home day.  And then there’s the continuation of the previous dig, “…and [I'm] flooded with work.”   Uh-huh.  It’s obvious to me that she’s got a lot of work to do today given that she’s inventorying desk keys and writing threatening emails.  I’m sure when she’s done with all that she’s got some baby seals to bludgeon and a rain forest to burn.  I don’t know why she doesn’t just say it outright, ”I’m very busy and important.” 

Who knows?  Maybe she’s smarter than I am.  While I’m off writing another mocking blog post about my workweek she’s probably saved the company well over $1.50 in lost keys while simultaneously reminding everyone with hiring & firing authority of her role in maintaining fiscal restraint; and in these tough times it’s all about the bottom line.  


I wrap up this week’s adventures in the workplace with relief.  Despite my misgivings I, and we, made it through yet another week of career day-dreaming, thankless cubicle life, and pointless interactions with over-zealous support staff.  I think this calls for a drink and a single-finger salute!  Hip-hip-hooray!  Hooray for Friday!

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