Raw Drip

We’ve been sick for the last 18 months.  This is not an exaggeration.  When we moved to New Jersey in the fall of ‘06 we were all coming down with something.  And soon, we’ll be moving back to Florida and I’m certain we’ll be sick for that, too.  When we first arrived, I explained our constant state of illness using the perfect storm metaphor – 2 kids in daycare + 2 full-time working parents (with new jobs, stress, & expenses) + more drastic northeastern climate = sick.  That explains the first few months – maybe even a year, right?  So, what’s up with STILL being sick? 

Now, before you read on, let me just say – we’ve tried them.  We’ve tried using hand sanitizers and following OCD-inspired hand washing rituals.  We’ve popped Airborne, Zycam, Vitamin C, Echinacea, zinc, and scary gray colored immunity boosting substances from Whole Foods.  We eat a healthy diet of fruits, veg, & lean meats and try to get as much as rest as possible.  Obviously, none of those things has worked for us, because I’m sick – again.

So as I recover from my latest illness and lacking inspiration for writing any better Raw Drip material, here are my two favorite sick moments from our time in New Jersey:

What are sick children like?

Any working parent will appreciate this situation.  I’m new on the job and I had to call in sick for the 6th time in 6 weeks.  Bad, right?  But what choice do I have with both children home sick with 104 degree fevers and Dick unable to take another vacation day?  Hoping for some flexibility and armed with my company-issued laptop, I called my young, single boss to ask if I could work from home that day.  With annoyance in her voice, she asked how seriously I took my job at Soulless-Blood-Sucking-Privately-Owned-Company, Inc.  From my response, she must’ve been concerned about appearing insensitive, because her tone changed from one of anger to one of engagement.  With misguided zeal she engaged me in an impromptu “brainstorming session” to help me find solutions to my childcare dilemmas that would make “everyone happy & productive” (Read:”…so, I can continue to micromanage you as you look after your meddling kids.”). 

That’s when she kicked off the brainstorming with the now infamous question,  ”So, what are sick children like?”. 

“Are you seriously asking me this?”, I said. 

“Yes.  Rather than you working from home, I was thinking maybe your kids could come with you to the office and use the loaner laptop to watch DVDs while you work,” she said.

“Think for a moment how awful you feel when you’re really sick.  Now imagine you don’t possess the sophistication to understand why you’re so miserable or the communication skills to whine about how miserable you are.  That’s what it’s like.” 

I think that statement as well as my observation that it might be bad to introduce MORE illness and misery into the workplace pretty much stopped that brainstorming session in its tracks.

Christmas Barforama

‘Twas the night before Christmas

And all through the house,

Every stomach was stirring

We were all gonna ralph

The upchuck was flying

All through the air

With moans of, “Oh God, get me some air!”

To say that night was hell doesn’t even scratch the surface.  In hell I think they allow you to choose between having diarrhea and vomiting…

*****

Maybe it’s toxic mold in the house we’re renting, or maybe it’s the shiftier climate that plays with our immune systems?  I don’t know.  I’m sick of thinking about it.  The important thing is that we’re heading back to warmer climes and, hopefully, healthier times where illnesses can be treated with plenty of sunshine and redneck jokes.