Raw Drip

In sharp contrast to many American households, I’m proud to report that we are bi-lingual.  We aim to be fluent in both English and Kiddo.

But becoming a bi-lingual household is a lot harder than I thought it would be, primarily because Adam and Tabitha are both native Kiddo speakers and seem to lack any interest in helping their English-speaking parents learn their language.  While we’re making strides towards understanding each other, we often find ourselves in a verbal tug of war – parents vs. kids - with me and Dick desperately trying to teach them English and Adam & Tabitha, desperately clinging to their native tongue, Kiddo.

Some examples of our struggle:

Coco-haunt-us – translation: Pocahontas.  No, Adam & Tabitha didn’t watch a movie about a ghostly French poodle as Dick and I first suspected.  After several rounds of, “Say, what?” we finally got it – Pocahontas.  How obvious…

Da wan - translation: the van.  Equipped with comfortable leather seats, toys, books, abundant cup holders (not to mention abundant snacks ground into the carpeting), and most importantly, the DVD player, the mini-van (don’t judge me) is a little kid oasis on wheels.  So, when Dick arrives at daycare with his car, Adam has a fit demanding that he be chauffered in “da wan” so he can watch Bob da Builder for the 700th time.  Check it:  I’ve managed to string together a sentence Adam actually understands – “Da wan is wike, da coowest.” That one always makes him smile.

Harryham Winken - translation: Abraham Lincoln.  When Adam discovered the face on the penny I gave him the other day, he asked me who it was.  When I told him it was Abraham Lincoln, he looked amused and said, “Who is this Harryham Winken?”  I told him, “Harryham Winken was our 16th president and an all around good guy.  We’ll learn more about his good deeds when you can pronounce his name in English.”

Joey Peanut-butter - translation: Adam’s alter ego.  For one entire weekend last summer, Adam would only respond to the name Joey Peanut-butter.  Any accidental references to “Adam” were dismissed with “I’m not Adam. I’m Joey Peanut-butter!”  My response: “Which Peanut-butter clan do you represent, because I’m clearly loyal to the Smoothies, while Daddy is a vigorous defendant of the Crunchies and your allegiance could have a big impact on upcoming refrigerator territory discussions?”  This response has the effect of rendering Adam speechless – for a micro-second.

Prettyfull – translation: a combination of the words beautiful and pretty.  Adam uses this word to strategically praise my appearance causing teary-eyed looks of adoration from his sucker of a mommy.  This is one Kiddo word I totally get.

S-T-E-L-L- translation: spell.  A favorite Mommy & Daddy-approved TV show is “Super Why”on PBS Sprout.  This show features a bunch of storybook characters who have formed their own Super Hero Book Club to solve problems using their reading skills.  A regular segment covers spelling with a song that goes, “I love to spell – S-P-E-L-L…”, which to our great amusement, Adam routinely misspells as S-T-E-L-L.  It’s a good thing he’s cute…

Toomy - translation: tummy.  I don’t know why, but apparently saying “tummy” isn’t amusing enough for Adam, so he clings to his own exaggerated pronunciation by swapping out the “uh” for an “oo” sound.  He usually says this word while holding up his shirt, pointing to his belly button, and making kissy lips.  Even worse, he often grabs the flab that passes for my toomy and slaps it against his bare hands to watch it “jiggle”.  Afterwards, Mommy briefly subsists on sugar-free chewing gum and ice water in an effort to locate lost tummy underneath the flab. 

Trash-stick- translation: traffic.  Whenever we get caught up in the suburban New Jersey morning rush hour, Adam will point out that we’re sitting in trash-stick.  I take pains to correct his pronunciation by asking him to say “traf” and then “ic”.  He parrots back these sounds perfectly, but once strung together they are morphed into trash-stick.  I assume he won’t go off to college like this, right? 

Wagina - translation: vagina.  Tabitha is fond of constantly reminding us all that she has one, while Adam, Daddy, and Logan (the dog) all have penises.  As I was toweling off from a shower the other morning she pointed to my nether-regions and demanded, “Mommy – I want see you wagina”, to which I responded, “If daddy can’t see it, neither can you, dear.”  Oddly, she seemed to understand me.