Raw Drip

Absent-minded, apathetic, distracted, diverted, heedless, oblivious, preoccupied, removed, scatterbrained, and unconscious.  These are just a few of the synonyms I find for “unobservant”.  Sadly, many of these synonyms describe my husband who is, quite possibly, the world’s most unobservant man. 

If I walked into a room stark naked wearing a rainbow clown ‘fro he MIGHT notice something different about me; probably not.  More than likely he’d be too distracted by my nakedness to consider the ‘fro.  Then again, after 20 years together, maybe I give myself (and my nakedness) too much credit.

I guess I just don’t get Dick’s unobservant behavior.  It seems obvious to me that having the ability to observe and react to changes in one’s environment should speak to a man’s primal need to be the protector of his family.  Shouldn’t his instincts guide him to be a keen observer of his surroundings?  Wouldn’t this ability help him to understand the scope of potential dangers and formulate preventative measures?  And yet Dick, like so many other men I know, seems to completely lack peripheral vision when it comes to his household.  He moves through life with a singular focus on food, sex, sleep and some other stuff that occasionally drifts into his field of vision.  Things like cleanliness and order go unnoticed and unacknowledged.  Could this ignorance be a side-effect of our modern world?  Could all the controls and conveniences of our surroundings – air conditioning, heating, appliances, and security devices – have stripped the modern man of sensitivity to his environment?

Every day life provides Dick with abundant opportunities to demonstrate his keen observation skills but he stubbornly adheres to his tradition of not noticing.  For me, a pile of molding, filthy dishes in the sink triggers the thought, “Gee. That looks gross.  I think I should wash those before spontaneous generation occurs.” The thought then triggers my brain to perform the required steps to mitigate the disgusting, sci-fi movie consequences of inaction.  Not so with Dick. Molding dishes in the sink may register in his brain as disgusting, but they don’t fire the synapses that generate movement out of his chair and over to the sink.

When I observe an over-flowing trash receptacle in the kitchen, I think to myself, “Yuck. That’s going to smell up the kitchen if I don’t get it outside…” followed promptly by action.  When I point out to Dick that the trash can is over-flowing and needs to be emptied, my observation is often met with surprise, ”Is it, really?  I’ll take care of it in about 20 minutes…”

Now, before you start thinking that he’s just lazy (and there’s certainly an element of that), I’d like to point out that the man really CANNOT find anything.  Most days I’m just pleased when he’s able to locate me and the children in the adjoining rooms of our home.  Statements like, “We must be out of ______ “, or “I can’t find ______, anywhere” are a daily occurrence in our household.  And God forbid he need to look for things in refrigerators, boxes, or cabinets! These storage mechanisms leave him completely befuddled.  After years of Dick telling me with certainty that an item we had a mere 24 hours ago no longer exists, I’ve had to ‘fess up to all those little storage secrets we women try to conceal from men.  Like the fact that most cabinets are 3 dimensional and it’s that tricky 3^rd dimension, depth, that allows for items to be stacked behind one another.   Rather than admit to his ignorance, Dick accuses me of trying to hide things from him.

I’m no psychologist, but I do know that turning Dick into an observant man is probably a lost cause by now.  At 36, he’s mastered the art of not noticing and I doubt a rainbow ‘fro, a swift kick, or a vigorous mental workout of “Where’s Waldo?” is going to retrieve him from his blissfully ignorant state. 

I’ve decided to shift my efforts to Adam.  I don’t care if it kills me, that boy is going to now how to find things by himself.  So as soon as he starts NOT noticing every little change in his environment (I’m guessing age 5, maybe?) I’ll start hiding his stuff from him.  My conspiracy to confuse will sharpen his mental faculties and keep him on his toes.  It’ll be good for him.  One day, he may even thank me for it – assuming he notices.