Raw Drip

Thank goodness I’m out of the baby phase these days now that Adam and Tabitha are walking, talking, and generally acting like little people (When did they become people, again?).  While I miss the baby days, looking at one of the newest crop of baby care devices reminds me how quickly my kids are growing.  Back in the old days (3 1/2 years ago), if you had to pee while out with your baby you needed to hold the baby on your lap and do the one-hand, quick-wipe while balancing him precariously on bent knee. 

But no more!  The Babykeeper Basic is described as an “infant carrier seat that hangs from the stall wall in most public restrooms”.  Now your baby can just hang out while you do your business.  No more balancing acts and no more jockeying for the single handicap stall that has an infant seat built into the wall.

I find this invention to be simultaneously amusing, bizarre, and brilliant, but I don’t get the “Basic” part of the product description.  What would an ”Advanced” version do?  Maybe the basic model gives you the comfort of knowing your baby isn’t going to have to balance on your lap or sit on a filthy restroom floor, but it’s only safe for midget babies? Hm.  I bet if your baby weighs more than 5 pounds, you’ve got to pay to upgrade to the advanced version.  Sneaky inventors!

But an advanced version of this product might be a worthwhile investment.  I mean, wouldn’t it be cool if it could hold a 40-pound kid in place so a parent could urinate in peace – without advice or enthusiastic offers of assistance from ”helpful” children in the midst of potty-training?  Just think of all the potential uses.  If it could safely hold 38-pound Tabitha, I might decide to leave her hanging all the time (the back of the master bedroom closet door, for instance) – just for a breather from all the chattering.  It’s an awfully tempting proposition.  The Babykeeper could be the best invention ever! 

Intrigued by the possibilities, I decided to read the product FAQs to get a little more information on what features comprise the “basic” and ”advanced” models. 

But I encounter disappointment; there is no “advanced” model.  The company claims that the basic model is capable of holding a toddler.  I’m sure it holds an average-sized kid, but Dick and I only make gigantic children.  What about parents of freakishly large kids?  What are we supposed to do?

While the FAQs didn’t really help me figure out what makes the Babykeeper so basic, I did learn that there are no parents willing to face the shame and ridicule of others by asking the all important, most frequently un-asked question, “How likely am I to leave the restroom with my purse, but without my baby?” 

Because, let’s face it – you know some sleep-deprived mommy out there has done this already…