I’m a sucker for my daily horoscope.  It’s not that I believe them, exactly.  I guess I’m just drawn to read them for the entertainment value, particularly since my horoscope tends to describe someone who’s far more worldly, charismatic and attractive than I am.

Skimming through one of the many Astrology.com emails that flood my inbox, I saw a link reading “Click here to see your sign’s ideal relaxation day“.  Being a big fan of relaxation, I couldn’t resist clicking to see what types of activities might suit me – activities other than shopping without my children or fantasizing about being massaged with warm oil by an eager to please masseuse named George Clooney, that is.

Here’s mine:

Aquarius spends their day off in their workshop, perfecting that model they’ve been building — or engine, or CPU, or whatever mechanical or technological wonder they’ve been tinkering with lately. If they finish the project, well, then it’s off to the hobby shop or electronics store for more supplies to start the next thing.

Egads!  My astrologically appropriate relaxation day has me cast in the role of an antisocial geek who spends all her spare time at the local Radio Shack?  Please, allow me to set the record straight.  I am NOT a “tinkerer” and with the exception of my beloved iPhone, I’m not a gadget person, either.  I also don’t know how to build anything other than a massive pile of unfolded laundry.  Techie gadgets are why I have Dick around.  He’s the one who frequents hobby shops & electronics stores.  But me?   Hobby & electronics stores, along with exercise routines, are one of my personal defintions of hell.  Besides, I’m far too worldly, charismatic and attractive to spend my time in any of those places…

Okay, so clearly my recommendations were a total miss.  What about Dick’s?  

Industrious Virgo might just use their day off to get a bit of extra cleaning done. There’s nothing like the feeling of standing in the middle of a freshly scrubbed kitchen, floors gleaming and smelling of pine, the spices in alphabetical order in their rack and all the coffee mugs hanging on brand new hooks, arranged according to the colors of the rainbow.

“Industrious Virgo might just use their day off to get a bit of extra cleaning done?”  Okay.  Now that is just knee-slapping funny stuff.  I’m sure there are neat-freak Virgo’s out there who get off on arranging their spices in alphabetical order, but alas, I haven’t married one of them.  Try as I might, Dick has just never been convinced of the immense relaxation to be found in scrubbing the kitchen or rearranging our coffee mugs by color.   Sadly, I haven’t even been able to convince him that he’d find some inner peace (and clean coffee mugs) by unloading the dishwasher from time to time, either.

All of my suspicions about the accuracy of astrology have been confirmed.  I feel compelled to share this realization with you, just in case you were still holding out hopes for occasional accuracy.  I hate to be the mythbuster who dashes your dreams that the planets will align for that big promotion at work, or that Mr. Right will be right around the next corner, but as far as I can tell, you’ll know you’ve gotten that big promotion when you start seeing more work on your desk without more money in your paycheck and you’ve probably met Mr. Right when he’s not in Uranus.  How’s that for some half-assedtrology?

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