Raw Drip

In case you were wondering about the lack of new material lately, I can assure you – I’m not dead yet.  I’ve just been really, really busy planning Dick’s birthday surprise. 

Birthdays are getting harder every year.  Not only are we getting older, but the stuff we really want to get and to give is getting much more expensive.  With Dick, for instance, gone are the days of buying him some new $50 software or the latest $100 gadget.  As far as tech toys are concerned, he’s priced himself out of the $200 spending cap I have on birthdays.   That leaves a card & some birthday cake as his usual gift.  Last year, I gave him a piece of the Berlin Wall I won for $25 on eBay – a gift that I suspect may been “accidentally” left behind during our frantic relo to Florida this spring.  Aside from that, I think last year’s gifts may have consisted of a firm handshake and joke about his graying temples.  For Dick, the birthday situation is made worse by the fact that Tabitha’s birthday is exactly 7 days after his.   For the past 3 years he’s pretty much gotten the kind of after-thought gift that screams, “I don’t have time for this!” and, maybe a slice of birthday cake if he’d been really, really good. 

But this year, I vowed it would be different.  This year, he’d actually get a birthday present that might make him feel acknowledged, appreciated, and maybe even slightly less old.  I know that this is exactly the kind of gift I want for my birthday.  In fact, I’m pinning my hopes on jewelry – the kind that’s large enough to be considered vulgar and showy to all the women out there who are jealous of my youth, natural beauty and stunning good fortune… 

So, after much consideration, I decided to splurge a little for the only two things that he and most men never get enough of, and actually want for their birthdays - sleep and sex.  Let’s face it, as working parents we don’t get either of those things as often as we need or want, and when we do, sometimes the quality is, well, a bit lacking.

(DISCLAIMER: World, let it be known that my “quality” remark is strictly referencing sleep and NOT sex as regards my husband.  He is a sexual dynamo  – a stallion, a powerhouse – and I have absolutely nothing to complain about.) 

It took me well over 4 years, WAY more than $200, and a ton of lies, bribes & manipulation to get away from the life-sucking death-grip of our own offspring for just slightly over a day, but we managed it.  And, for the record, it was totally worth it.  We stayed at a lovely beach resort where we ate in restaurants largely devoid of children – without paper place mats or free crayons at the hostess station.  We slept in past 10 a.m. on expensive white sheets with a cashmere blankie, and we had sex in broad daylight without once saying, “Sorry, but can we wrap this up, soon? I’ve only got 10 minutes before nap time is up and I need to go to the bathroom”.   Yes, our time away was luxurious – it was special and it was wonderful. 

Sadly, today, the day after Dick’s birthday was the toughest for him – like a reality whiplash. Not only was he facing the world a year older, but he was doing so at home - with two children, a job, a mortgage, a wife, a demanding career and, on top of that his first really relaxing zen-like retreat in 4 years was over.  Bummer.  Yep, it sucked to be Dick today. 

I, however, have another 4 + months before I have to face down the spectre of the big three-seven.  In the meantime, I’m flying high still enjoying the burst of energy I obtained from this weekend’s much needed downtime.  When I think about it, essentially, I got to enjoy Dick’s birthday way more than he did and without that pesky aging thing killing my buzz.  In fact, I liked this brand of “giving” so much, I think I’ll give him something really great again next year – maybe a Caribbean cruise, a spa visit or a new Marc Jacobs handbag!  Yeah, maybe birthdays aren’t so bad after all…