Raw Drip

Rather than focus on evolving Raw Drip’s content into more substantive journalism (because the pink balloon sword entry was so profound, right?), I decided to do what so many of us do when we’re feeling a little down on ourselves. I took the easy way out and gave it a makeover!

I think we’re all suckers for the superficial. How else do you explain the rise of Paris Hilton? From design shows that makeover a room, to style shows that take the average Joe or Jane and make them over into a more stylish version of themselves, to Cinderella’s transition from dowdy housekeeper to fairy-tale prince-bait, there’s just something about the makeover that fascinates us.

As a child I had one of those Barbie busts given to me for Christmas one year – the kind where you can put makeup on her on and style her hair. I loved that toy. After years of making over Barbie, I finally started acquiring beauty supplies for myself. At first, it was Avon’s bubble gum flavored lip gloss, then I moved onto Sun In blonde streaks (streaks that were usually brassy red in my mousy brown hair) and finally to Max Factor’s 2000 calorie mascara.

But one gets bored with constantly using their talents on themselves. I felt I needed to give something back to society. So I decided to save the world from one more tired looking mom and give my mom a makeover.

Like many moms, my poor mom was incredibly overworked and, thus, tragically unhip. As a 16-year old know-it-all glamour puss, I could see her natural beauty hiding under the pepto bismol pink lipstick and hastily applied black mascara. All it needed to shine through were some minor enhancements like:

There. 30 minutes, 2 q-tips, 4 make up brushes and a hand mirror later – I was able to deliver 80’s sophisti-slut style to the average suburban housewife. Fabulous!

But all that make-up posed a problem. Now that mom’s face looked fantastic, her hair was all wrong. After several minutes spent begging her to let me do her hair until she finally relented, I spent another 30 minutes carefully teasing, ratting & Aqua-netting her hair until she looked like Lt. Dee Dee McCall, Fred Durst’s sidekick on Hunter.

But when I stood back and admired my handiwork, something was still wrong. It was the wardrobe. It just wasn’t right for her anymore. Mom always looked so boring in her conservative, every day clothes – “classics” she called them. Her wardrobe consisted mostly of navy slacks, diaphanous button down blouses with little bows at the collar, cardigans, pearl earrings, blah, blah, and blah.

So creative me took one of her white (oversized) maternity blouses and added some shoulder pads, had her squeeze into a pair of my black leggings, and accessorized her with a chunky black belt and Janet Jackson sized hoop earrings. I added a pair of coral patent pumps from my closet and a denim hobo bag and my mom looked like a pretty hot chick – or a street walker. I guess it depended on your interpretation of the look.

In retrospect, mom was an incredibly good sport. Rather than bemoan my heavy-handed makeup application and questionable taste, she would graciously say things like, “Interesting look you’ve created for me. I’ll have to let you do my hair and makeup when we go out next time.” Looking back, I’m sure that was her polite way of metaphorically putting my makeover into her for good drawer since my family never “went” anywhere.

Thanks to mom’s good nature and genuine interest in fostering my creativity, my fascination with makeovers continues until this day. While I may not have enough free time or money to tart up my kitchen with a new coat of paint or get my overweight fanny to the gym, I can sex up my blog pretty easily.

So, welcome to Raw Drip version 2. All of the same pithy mom-mentary you’re accustomed to, only now in a cuter outfit. I hope you like the makeover. Just one thing – does this color make my ass look bigger?