Between work schedules, school events, social gatherings, and miscellaneous household responsibilities it’s extremely difficult to find the time to sleep, let alone enjoy some intimacy with my Dick. And, as is the case of many working couples, we’ve found that our sexual appetites often fall out of synch, with his night owl tendencies clashing with my early riser tendencies. This means we end up being just another item on each other’s “To Do” list – with sex coming between us rather than uniting us as a couple.

Whether by design or circumstance, Dick and I seem to have developed a rather naughty workaround for this situation. We maximize the time we have together by embracing the more mundane moments of parenting to indulge in some sexually charged banter. Although in the presence of two chatty children, it’s often more fourplay, than foreplay.

Case in point: a recent bath time with the kids turned into one great big, long and hard (hard to follow, that is) stretch of loaded statements and knowing glances culminating in Tabitha proudly pointing at her naked father and saying, “You have a penis, daddy and I have a wagina.” To which Dick replied, “That’s right sweetie, but my penis really belongs to mommy and she can do with it whatever she wants…” Insert wink & nudge here.

Another example: I recently observed that our regular early morning cuddle with Tabitha in our bed may be the closest Dick will ever get to having two chicks in bed at once. “Don’t say I never arranged that manage au trois for you. It looks like you’re the big piece of meat in our little love sandwich.” To which Dick replied, “Don’t let the other chick fool ‘ya. My meat is all for you, baby.”

Talk about triggering my gag reflex…it’s just awful, I know. It’s really rather embarassing to admit that we’ve so completely surrendered to our PG-13 rated lives. The only comfort I have is knowing that we’re probably not alone in our use of pornographic puns and dirty double entendres to keep the fires burning. I bet there are a lot of you out there who use a little fourplay (and hopefully some foreplay, too) to get by from date night to date night.

In theory, all of this contrived banter should turn me off. But, I guess what they say is true, absence really does make the heart grow fonder. All I know is that a day full of fourplay really gets me in the mood for an evening of foreplay for two.

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